If not for him
by Lena Claire
Summary: Goku is feeling a little mundane about the journey, but there is still someone else to think about....


ahh... Another one-shot up. Heh, been lazing off my other unfinished one. Ah well, hope you like this.

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Goku was tired.  
  
Goku was bored.  
  
Goku just wanted to give up.  
  
It's been going on for so long. He didn't know when it's end. He didn't know their destination. "_**To the** **West**_**!**" They say. Which part of the West? What kind of vague instruction was that? He was tired of being on the road for so long. He was bored of the endless hours on the road, occasionally spiced by the backseat quarrels, but even that was beginning to dull before his eyes.

He used to concentrate on getting to the next village, that would his immediate a destination, with food as a reward to entice him into the illusion. The illusion was quickly dissipating. Then there were the demons. He used to like the adrenaline rush through him as he battled with them, now he just felt the filth of their blood on his hands.Now, again, he was on the road. The endless terrain, dessert, forestry, winding roads, wild flowers...they all just blended into one monotone landscape to him now.He didn't feel like talking. He had heard Gojyo's various jibes and teasing to get him to start, but he either just ignored Gojyo or gave him halfhearted answers for him to shut up. Eventually Gojyo resulted to sulking in his seat, annoyed at being ignored by a monkey.Soon they reached another town, village. Nothing different, more or less the same, he ambled along behind the other trio. They got two rooms. For some apparent reason Sanzo decided to ask for two rooms without asking the innkeeper for how many available. He didn't really care anyway, so long as he wasn't sleeping on the floor.Hakkai announced that they would be going to a restaurant he had spotted while driving into town to eat. That perked Goku up a bit. The thought of tasting new food would be nice. That was the only thing that made the trip worthwhile, being able to sample food from all over.The monotonous he was feeling didn't affect his appetite or his amount of eating. He ate whatever he could get his hands on, tasting it fleetingly on his palate before swiftly swallowing it down. This seemed to stop the weird stares from Gojyo and Hakkai. He did briefly wonder what they were looking at him for.All too soon dinner ended. Goku was feeling a momentary bloated contentment that he knew would not last long. He sat there, slouched as Gojyo and Sanzo puffed at their cigarettes and Hakkai sipped on some sake. It was soda for him. Always soda.Soon, Sanzo would unpredictably slam his cigarette bud into the ashtray and proclaim it was time to go. Hakkai would call for the bill and then they'd leave. That's the way he always was, unpredictable with raging mood swings to go with it. He threw his credit card at the trembling waiter and impatiently snatched it back soon after.Goku ambled up the stairs first and stopped at the landing and waited for the rest to come up to discuss the sleeping arrangements. They came up soon after, Sanzo clouded in his shroud of mystery while Hakkai and Gojyo chatted easily with each other.As Sanzo walked past Goku, he grabbed Goku's collar and dragged him a little way down the corridor muttering, "_Your rooming with me tonight.._." before unlocking a door and flinging him, none to gently into the room.Goku stumbled a bit, but regained his footing quickly. He made a disgruntled sound and threw Sanzo a look before heading to one of the two beds. He avoided the one close to the window, as he knew Sanzo had a penchant for looking out of them.True enough, just as he settled on a comfortable enough sprawl on the bed, Sanzo had made his way to the window, opened it and lighted up another cigarette. On normal occasions he would pester Sanzo to stop smoking. It used to irritate his lungs; it had made him constantly want to cough. Now, after more than a year on the road, he got used to it. He would, on occasion nag at Sanzo to stop, but it was more out of sheer habit than anything else.So there they were, in silence. Goku had gotten tired of thinking how this journey was almost pointless and Sanzo seemed to be making a point to ignore him and drown himself in his own solitude thoughts.  
  
"_Snap out of it_."  
  
A voice jolted from the lazy haze that was slowly lulling him to the land of dreams. Goku blinked a bit to get himself to a reasonable state of wakefulness.  
  
"_Snap out... of what?_" He slowly mumbled out.  
  
"_You know what_." Sanzo intoned in his smooth baritone voice.  
  
Goku turned to Sanzo. His back was facing Goku, still staring intently into the night's sky.Goku sighed and stared up to the ceiling, counting the cracks on it. It was going to be another sleepless night.It was close to dawn before Sanzo spoke up again."_Awhile, just a little while more_..." Sanzo whispered, almost pleadingly as turned around and looked at Goku.At that moment, Goku could see the weight of responsibility on Sanzo. From his drooping shoulders to the growing eye bags.They remained like that, looking at each other."_I'm with you... I'm always with you_."  
  
Goku saw a light smile creep across Sanzo's features.  
  
It was only for a moment before Sanzo straightened himself and became the rigid person everybody saw and knew.He walked across the room and opened the door."_Lets go_." Sanzo said and left the room without looking back, because he knew, and was assured that someone would follow.Goku watched Sanzo walk out of the room.He was not unlike a pillar.But only Goku could see the cracks.Goku would do this. He had to stay strong. Not only for himself, but for Sanzo too.

...

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Heh, now how do you like that? I decided that even Sanzo had his weakness under the tremendous pressures he faces. But I felt too, that Goku had his vunerability and impatience of an adolescent (_abet an 518 year old one_), so I ended up with this! Hope you'll tell me how I fared for this one See you soon!


End file.
